When they don’t notice, you are going in Depression?

 I know may be I don’t have any reason of this stress. I am in such phase of life where neither i am pressurized nor Un thankful about my life.

I am talented and can be very good in my life but I can’t understand the reason of mine such UN relaxing condition. I cannot speak it clearly, about my hard work. I am “much” sad and worry, but according to people in my surroundings thought that I am alright, that’s why I noticed that I am being ignored. I know those who are suffering from this severe stress can’t eat , can ‘t get out of their bed even whole day. They usually look like very lazy.

But in my case, this depression comes in form of episodes. Like some days I feel very amazed and active, but this activeness is not for so long. Its period is small. On other days I even can’t get up though. My anxiety immobilizes me and my depression fatigues me, so I have to miss class or cancel my plans for the rest of the day, which gives me more anxiety about what I’m missing. It is still just as hard for me to do basic self-care things like brushing my teeth and showering, but I do it. I’m usually entirely detached to what I am doing, but I tell myself I will never get better if I don’t even try and hope that maybe staying busy will distract me from feeling so crappy. Although, I tend to take on too many commitments then get overwhelmed and become too tired to do the things that I designate as my outlets.

If I talk about my life, yes I got succeed in all phases of life, I got my aims and my wishes, but it can’t get me happiness. I always think that why I am like that. Why I feel such depression even I have not any desire which is remained unfulfilled. Depression has me convinced my life belongs to someone that can actually enjoy it — that I don’t deserve this life I live. It’s not always like that, though; sometimes, I can ride the high of reaching a goal I’ve worked so hard for and sometimes I can recognize how hard I actually do work every single day. Being proud of myself is a lifelong journey that takes practice every day. My depression may hinder me, but I know it is not who I am.

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